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November 2015




How Do You Want to Relate to Others?

"The pathos of man is that he hungers for personal fulfillment and for a sense of community with others.”

… J. Saunders Redding (1906-1988) US Historian, Educator, Essayist and Critic

This is the last episode in our journey to establish some foundational values based on the four questions I posed in the August e-zine:

  1. What is at the heart of how you want to experience life?
  2. What is most important to you about what you want to create in life?
  3. What is central to how you want to approach life given an uncertain future?
  4. What is the basis of how you want to relate to others?

My responses to the first three questions has been "Gratitude", "Balance" and "Intuition". What have you come up with?

This month we will explore the question, "What is the basis of how you want to relate to others?"

My answer will probably not surprise you and it has certainly been the easiest answer for me to find as I have given this a lot of thought over time. However, how I have come to my answer might be a little from left field for you.

It begins with a question most people do not even consider, "What does it mean to relate to another human being?"

When I have spoken to others about what is at the heart of relationships, they almost invariably say "trust". Certainly trust plays a key part in our relationships with others, however we have all been in relationships where there is little or no trust. This leads us to the conclusion that relating to others is ultimately not just about trust. Something else is in play here.

So let us look at this another way. In the ontological approach, relating to others is about how they will impact our future. Consider it this way. We each go through life with our eye on the future and our decisions and actions are taken with a view of creating the future as we want it to be. Unfortunately for us, everyone else is doing the same thing leading to interactions where one person allows another to create a future other than the one they may desire. As we go through these interactions some people are more determined than others to have the future the way they want it. They tend to be more aggressive in the way they interact with others and will most likely be those we trust the least.

These people use what I term the 'Paradigm of Control' as a means of getting others to do what they want them to do. They use strategies such as varying degrees of force, threat, manipulation and emotional blackmail which are all designed to reduce us to one choice - that of the speaker.

This is certainly not the way that I want to relate to others, and so I choose the 'Paradigm of Trust' as my preferred means of relating. I want to go through life in a cooperative and collaborative way that involves a mutually beneficial journey with others. I guess there is no surprise in that!

So there you have it. My four responses that define my values are Balance, Intuition, Gratitude and Trust - 'BIG-T' for short. Did you ultimately come up with something?

With 'BIG-T' in mind, in the final e-zine for the year, I will talk about how to use those values to create alignment in life and manifest our preferred ways of being.

Mind Health Matters

Some thoughts from Jacqui Chaplin

“Happiness is a sort of atmosphere you can live in sometimes when you're lucky.”

... Adela Rogers St. Johns (1894-1988) US journalist

If You’re Happy and You Know It Clap Your Hands!

Did you remember that song from primary school? If you are of my generation it’s highly likely. It’s been running on a loop in my head recently. Each week as I research what to cover on an upcoming episode of my weekly radio program, ‘But I Feel Good’ I inevitably come across a handful of articles on how to get happy, do happy, be happy and stay happy.

If you’re happy and you know it stomp your feet.

For a long time I have been focussed on letting go of this desire to be constantly happy. Think about the ad campaign the Queensland government ran a while back. “Queensland: beautiful one day, perfect the next.” So yes, they have great weather. But living every day with blue skies, or sunshine and lollipops can become a bit monotonous. It loses its value. I love the special feeling I get in Melbourne when after a long run of wintery, grey days we get a belting blue sky and sunshine day as the season starts to turn. It’s a bit like that for happiness and the pursuit of it.

If you’re happy and you know it shout “hooray!”

It is the range of emotions that we experience that make us human. To deny, avoid or play down any of the moods that get called “bad” or negative is to turn our back on the full gamut of emotional experiences. The pursuit of happiness as the end game deprives us of the opportunity to learn and grow, to build our resilience in the face of adversity.

If you’re happy and you know it do all three.

Perhaps the piece that concerns me most about the relentless pursuit of happiness is the damage that can be done to those who are experiencing challenges with their mind or mental health. To be constantly bombarded with messages that you and your life aren’t worth living because you’re not ‘happy all the time’, or ever, can be another metaphorical nail in a coffin.

If you’re not OK, it’s OK to know it! And it’s more than OK to go and get the help you need. A good first step is always your GP and if you are in distress and have no-one else to talk to call Lifeline (Australia wide) on 13 11 14. In case of an emergency call 000.

…because your mind health matters

Disclosure Now Available Globally

DisclosureEuropean Publishing Group Mill House publishers & Whyte Tracks and Cambridge Scholars have launched the international distribution for Disclosure.

For European readers you can purchase the book from

For the Americas you can purchase the book at

And here in Australia the book is listed but as yet unavailable on

It usually takes 9-12 months to set up international distribution. Despite the information age, my three month turn around between contract and release date, is challenging the chain of connections required to get the book readily available on line in Australia.

So for a limited time I am keeping distribution going for those in Australia. Email me your postal address and I will email you a PayPal invoice for the Australian RRP of $39.99.

This option also provides the opportunity for you to request the book to be signed.

I’ll be travelling around like a Leyland Brother talking about the lived experience of mood disorders and how to build resilience! Hook up any way you prefer to keep yourself informed of the latest news... drop me an email to find out how. Or follow the news at my website or sign up to Talking About's  monthly, complimentary  e-zine (that’s what you’re reading now! Alternately, you can follow the news at Disclosure’s Facebooks Page https://www.facebook.com/Disclosure.MindHealthMatters/

'But I Feel Good' Radio Show

Radio ShowRemember to tune in to ‘But I Feel Good’ ...talking pink elephants and black dogs at its new home broadcasting in Melbourne's east on 94.1fm 3WBC, on your fav smart phone app or streaming live at www.3wbc.org.au every Monday 12-1pmAET or listen on demand at www.jacquichaplin.com/bifgondemand

‘But I Feel Good’ will still be heard via syndication in central Victoria on 94.9 MAINfm Mondays 1-2pmAET.

I’d love to hear your ideas for mind health topics you’d like to hear about and any mind health resources you’ve found helpful. Email me at butifeelgood@jacquichaplin.com

If you’d like me to speak about mind health matters and resilience at your conference or to your organisation please contact me at jacqui@jacquichaplin.com or +61 (0)412 741 531

We invite you to read Jacqui's blog here

More on Mind Health Matters next month!

“[Smart] is an elusive concept. There's a certain sharpness, an ability to absorb new facts. To ask an insightful question. To relate to domains that may not seem connected at first. A certain creativity that allows people to be effective.”

... Bill Gates (b. 1955) US Businessman and Software Pioneer

The Monthly Diversion

A Little Johnny joke from the vaults at jokes.com

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.

She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."

The first student raised her hand to volunteer.

"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."

Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."

The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"

Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."

"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.

Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."

Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.

Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.

Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."

… Albert Einstein, (1879-1955) German Physicist

Join Us Online

LinkedInDo you want to explore some of these ideas in more depth? Then, we invite you to join our LinkedIn Group and share any insights you may have. As others have done, we also invite to offer your own thoughts and conversations if they relate to the ontological approach. You can find us on LinkedIn by clicking here.

Want to Read More?

Since the formation of Talking About in 2005, we have published our e-zine every month. Before that, Chris wrote regular newsletters and e-zines with Gaia Consulting Group dating back to 1995. If you would like to explore more of Chris' ideas then you can access our e-zine archive and view any newsletter written since 2005 by clicking here or to look at all the articles Chris has written over the years simply click here.


Chris has also written some in-depth essays on a number of topics related to the ontological work. If you would like to explore any of these essays then please click on the relevant image below.


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