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August 2014




The Pain of Resentment

"The secret of how to live without resentment or embarrassment in a world in which I was different from everyone else . . . was to be indifferent to that difference."

… Al Capp (1909-1979) US cartoonist 

Last month, I asked the question, "Can you learn from your emotions?" As it turns out, this was our most popular newsletter to date, so I thought I would continue the emotional theme with an exploration of one of the most damaging moods - resentment.

Resentment can be a mood that has a clear cause or it may relate to a general feeling about ourselves, life, society or other communities or groups of people. It will generally stem from an emotional response such as an anger or frustration that just hangs around.

Visit The HubA reconstruction of the mood of resentment can be illuminating. It can go something like this:

"Company A retrenched me last year."

"What they did was unnecessary and unfair and it has cost me a great deal of money and leaves me without a job."

"I will not let them get away with this. I will find a way to make them pay!"

This reconstruction shows that a mood of resentment occurs when we cannot accept that something has happened and that feeling stays with us. We find ourselves dwelling on our life, a person or group in a way that arouses annoyance and anger. Ironically, every time we dwell in such a way, it deepens the sense of resentment.

As can be seen from the reconstruction, our predisposition from this mood is one of blame, sabotage or revenge. We seek to punish in order to redress our sense of being wronged. It is this tendency that makes resentment such a harmful mood in which to exist for more than a short time.

Resentment in an organisational setting can be very destructive. Interestingly, repeated broadly-based culture surveys continue to report an oppositional style as being one of the major factors in organisational cultures in this country and resentment is one of the key indicators of such a style.

One of the challenges of resentment lies in its origin. It comes from a stance that something has happened that has caused us pain and which we cannot change. The energy we use to fuel our resentment does not change the situation. Sure we might be able to punish those we see as the cause of our pain, but that in itself will not remove the pain although it may give us a sense of justice. However, resentment uses energy to maintain pain and that energy may well be better served being directed into creating a better future.

The key to doing this lies in one word, "acceptance". Acceptance does not mean that we have to like what has happened to us in life but it does mean that we accept we cannot change that it has happened. A mood of acceptance allows us to move forward in life and direct our energy in a positive way into the future.

How do we do this? Well, that is a topic for another time.

We invite you to explore more in the articles section of our web site.


Play Create Elevate

Some thoughts from Jacqui Chaplin

"I have seen the sea when it is stormy and wild; when it is quiet and serene; when it is dark and moody. And in all these moods, I see myself."

… Martin Buxbaum

What do you really think when…

It’s been an interesting experience over the last 12 months as I have shared my story with family, friends and clients.
Some have got all weirded out because it doesn’t fit their story of me or their story of them and life. Some have sought to understand, yet don’t and remain sympathetic. Some have been empathetic… they get it. They have been there and done that. Others have suggested that a metaphoric cup of concrete should fix the problem. And some have simply disappeared for whatever reason. I can imagine many!

What do you really think when someone tells you they have been diagnosed with a mood disorder?
How comfortable are you with the news?  What is that comfort level based on?  Experience, education, lack of awareness, unfamiliarity.

Imagine you have a faulty valve in your heart that was genetically inherited. How would you feel about it? How would you feel about telling family, friends, or colleagues about it?  Would it change their opinion about you, your value, your intelligence and your ability to contribute to your community?

Now imagine you have a mood disorder that was genetically inherited. How would you feel about it? How would you feel about telling family, friends, or colleagues about it?  Would it change their opinion about you, your value, your intelligence and your ability to contribute to your community?

This is the difference the stigmatisation of mood disorders make…

What can you do to get better educated on the topic? Dr Google is there or you can skype me at jacquelynchaplin, ring me on 0412 741 531 or email jacqui@jacquichaplin.com me and invite me for a cup of coffee and I’ll tell you more!

Repeat after me, “Destigmatise, destigmatise, destigmatise!” 

We invite you to read Jacqui's blog here

You can visit the Play Create Elevate website here

More on PCE next month!

Hey, did you know?

"But I Feel Good" Radio Show

Radio Show

Did you know that since November 2013, Jacqui has been hosting a weekly radio show called ‘But I Feel Good’ …talking about pink elephants and black dogs.

The show is dedicated to speaking openly and comfortably about the ‘black dog’ of mood disorders from a lived experience perspective and the ‘pink elephant’ strategies and practices that build emotional resilience and inner fortitude.

It covers a range of topics related to mind health and plays a great mix of music in between interviews with subject matter experts and related content.

The show goes live to air, streaming on www.MAINfm.net so it can be heard AROUND THE WORLD every Monday from 1-3pm AET. Its official broadcast base is 94.9 MAIN FM which extends across the Mt Alexander Shire in Victoria on the wireless.

On demand episodes are also available at www.jacquichaplin.com.

The Monthly Diversion

Just remember that we do not live forever. Here are some ways to make sure you do not waste what time you have...

Life is too short to be serious all the time. So if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me and I’ll laugh with you.

Life is too short to drink bad beer.

Life is too short to waste time matching socks.

Life is too short not to make the best and the most of everything that comes your way everyday.

Life is too short to care what people think. So live your life the way you want to, be happy, be strong, be yourself not caring what people think.

Life is too short to blend in.

Life is too short to be living somebody else’s dream. Ironically, this was said by Hugh Hefner who is no doubt been living many a man's dream!

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

Life is too short to be serious all of the time.

Life is too short to spend all your time trying to make everyone else happy.

Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don’t deserve to be an issue in your life.

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don’t and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said it’d be easy. They just promised it would be worth it.

Life is too short to dwell on the crappy things of the past.

Life is too short, so Kiss Slowly, Laugh Insanely, Love Truly and Forgive Quickly.

Life is too short to start your day with broken pieces of yesterday, it will definitely destroy your wonderful today and ruin your great tomorrow!

Life is short, fragile and does not wait for anyone. There will never be a perfect time to pursue your dreams and goals.

And Remember

No regrets… just lessons.
No worries… just acceptance.
No expectations… just gratitude.
Life is too short.


"The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance."

… Brian Tracy (b. 1944) US author and motivational speaker 

Join Us Online

LinkedInDo you want to explore some of these ideas in more depth? Then, we invite you to join our LinkedIn Group and share any insights you may have. As others have done, we also initiate your own thoughts and conversations if they relate to the ontological approach. You can find us on LinkedIn by clicking here.

Want to Read More?

Since the formation of Talking About in 2005, we have published our e-zine every month. Before that, Chris wrote regular newsletters and e-zines with Gaia Consulting dating back to 1995. If you would like to explore more of Chris' ideas then you can access our e-zine archive and view any newsletter written since 2005 by clicking here or to look at all the articles Chris has written over the years simply click here.

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